First of all let me say that the previous post was something copied from another blog.  It doesn't necessarily reflect the views of this PW! (That sounds like a radio or TV show! LOL)  Anyways, I just wanted to be sure and state that since someone may read it and think that everything mentioned is how I feel.  I haven't been through some of those things but some I have and I just thought it would be good to get that info out there.

That being said, I am a little aggravated with myself.  I am still struggling with the whole prayer closet/quiet time.  There are so many changes that I would like to make in my life but I know that I should take one step at the time.  Baby steps, as they say.  There is also alot of stress and confusion going on right now dealing with church and work (especially church).  I want to be all that I can be for my husband and help him make the right decision (or help him understand what God wants us to do). One thing is that I am trying to be more reserved. Thinking before I speak more.  That is something I've always struggled with.  Sometimes words come stumbling out of my mouth before I realize what I've done. (That happened to me last week and I made a big mess of things!)

It seems like so often I disappoint myself as a PW.  I feel like there are certain things a PW should or should not do as to set the example for others.  I get reminded of this at work quite a bit.  I often make the mistake of letting my guard down at work, I guess because none of the people I work with attend my church.  Anyways, if I ever mess up at work (maybe say something not so nice or something like that), there are a few at work that like to remind me that I am a PW and I should not say things like that.  Most of the time I know that are just picking, but it bothers me.  (I'm making it sound like I cuss or something but it's not that, it's just saying something off the wall picking on someone or something like that!).

Anyways, I'm not perfect, I never will be!  I think I need to realize that more than anyone.

I have been working on this post for two days now.  LOL  I walked in last night and my husband looked more relaxed than he had in a week!  He had just managed to get his mind off of everything for a while yesterday.  That is a good thing, I guess the next couple of weeks will help him make a decision.  It's hard for him because he doesn't like change. 

Keep praying!

A blog post that I copied from another blog. I thought it was interesting and very true! Alot of people don't realize what PWs go through.

A blog post that I copied from  another blog.  I thought it was interesting and very true!  Alot of people don't realize what PWs go through.

  

http://danbouchelle.blogspot.com/2011/02/why-are-there-so-many-angry-ministers.html?spref=fb

Why Are There So Many Angry Ministers' Wives?

While I have only worked for three churches in a full-time capacity, I have interviewed with quite a few. Once, when my wife Amy and I were interviewing with a church for a preaching job, Amy asked what were the expectations of her if we were to get the job. The elders, elders’ wives, and search committee members looked at each other nervously as if they had never thought about this before. There was a long awkward pause before someone finally said, “It would be nice if you would just smile and talk to people.” That elicited a lot of laughter which indicated a back-story that was unknown to us. It seems the previous preacher’s wife was considered to be an angry, unfriendly woman who only spoke to a tiny group of trusted friends and treated everyone else with neglect or contempt. My guess is that this perspective was exaggerated and skewed by a variety of events. Never-the-less, it is not uncommon for ministers wives to struggle with feelings of anger and resentment toward the church. Why might that be? In the spirit of understanding and maybe reducing the pressures a little, I write the following at the risk of sounding whiny again.

1. The church assumes that it is hiring a whole family. Every search committee lies and some of them even know it. They tell the minister’s wife that nothing more will be expected of her than any other involved member, but that is rarely true. If the preacher’s wife does not show up for an event—esp. a children, youth, or womens ministry event—it will draw criticism. An elder will get cornered or called. He will then call the preacher "just to let him be aware." He is then expected to let his wife know that “a lot of people” were really disappointed . . . . If the minister’s wife is not leading VBS, the womens ministry, hosting showers (which by the way can cost ministers families a ton of money since the wife is expected at all of them), and every other event considered suitable for women, she becomes a target. This is true even if the elders say it doesn’t have to be. They cannot control the expectations of all the members. In addition, parents with children the age of the minister’s children often want their kids to be best friends with the the preacher's kids so they can save their kids. The pressure is intense for the minister's children to get along with every child and make them all feel special. The minister's children are expected to be Bible scholars, leaders, and good examples everywhere. They didn’t sign up for this and they often get rather bitter about it and act out, which only makes things worse. Oh, and if the kids turn out well, people brag on the preacher as a father and act like he gave birth to the kids and raised them alone. The preacher’s wife often doesn’t even have a name, she is introduced to people as “the preacher’s wife.”
2. The church expects the minister to put the church before his family. Everyone who calls the minister’s house in the evening, on the weekend, or in the middle of the night assumes they are the only one calling and that the minister has a special affection for them and would want to talk to them. You cannot take care of your family as a minister without disappointing and even angering people in your congregation. Knowing this, and feeling the criticism for the times the minister was not there for someone, it just gets easier to disappoint your family who will forgive you more quickly for a while. But, over time the cost builds and leads to resentment. Ministers’ wives often feel like their husbands have a mistress (the church) and they can’t compete. However, who can they talk to about this? All their friends are in the church and they don’t want to discourage them so they don’t tell anyone. The frustration builds with no way to express it.
3. The church rarely provides time away or compensation commensurate with the demands and responsibilities of the job. Ministers are hardly the only people with jobs that can be extremely demanding. Many professionals have jobs that make similar demands. The difference is that those jobs usually pay well enough that when they have time off, those people can really get away to a nice place and experience renewal. This rarely happens for ministers. Even if the money is there, the time is not. When the preacher is away, people complain and put him on a guilt trip when he gets back. “I worked for six month to get my friend to come to church and when she finally came you weren’t here!” Being tied down every weekend gets to be extremely restrictive after years pile up. If the minister is not able to negotiate sufficient time away, it will begin to take a toll on the family. If he does, he will get criticized for “being gone all the time.” “Why do we pay that guy, he is hardly ever here.”
4. Ministry means living in a fish bowl and every part of your life is up for criticism. Here is my favorite criticism we ever got. “They dress their children too nice.” Yep. My wife was sewing our children’s clothes to save money, but that didn’t matter. We’ve been accused of being child-abusers because we spanked our kids. We have been told it was our children’s responsibility, when they were as young as 9-11, to watch after the younger children at church and stop expecting someone to minister to them. I've also been criticized for caring too much about poor people. I’ve known ministers and their wives who were criticized for being “too smart, too biblical, too concerned with social justice, too moral—no joke, too concerned about racism, and too nice looking. Minister’s wives and children are always on display and everything they wear, how they drive, the expressions they make during church or class, who they talk to or don’t, who their friends are, it’s all up for public discussion. One time after I mentioned that we lived in a fish bowl, a woman in the church came up to my wife and said, “It’s time to change your water!” A little of that is tolerable. A life-time of that wears very thin.
5. Much of what the church expects seems to have little to do with what the minister and his wife believe are legitimate parts of their ministry. Most ministers and their wives (who are also ministers though without job description or pay) are doing what they do because they love the Lord and feel a call to share the good news, care for people, and make disciples. However, the expectation to be a priestly presence whose appearance conveys importance on someone’s pet ministry has nothing to do with their sense of call. If ministers and their wives could just do what they got into ministry to do, they would gladly make great sacrifices for the Kingdom of God. They probably already have. But the sacrifices demanded seem mostly to be for petty things or busywork. No one resents when the preacher gets called out at 2:00 a.m. because someone has had a fatal accident and the family needs comfort. But, when evening after evening is spoiled by needy people who want unwarranted attention to prop up their flagging egos or calm their out-of-control anxieties, it gets hard to accept.

Forgive me if this sounds like complaining. It isn’t meant that way. Most of our experience in ministry was rewarding and we were loved well by our churches—most of the time. The leadership of the churches where we worked did well to protect us as much as they could from these kinds of unrealistic expectations, but they could only control so much. Over time, I got better at learning to say “No” and living with people being unhappy with me. I once told a woman, "Look, I get up in a world where someone is angry at me every day. Today is your day." After I almost ruined my marriage in the early years, I learned to protect my family better. But, just in case you’ve ever wondered why ministers wives often look tired, seem emotionally withdraw or even cranky, this might help you understand. It also might help you to understand a question Amy once asked in an interview. “If we come here will you treat our family like members of the church or will you just view us as employees.” Then she broke down in tears. It’s a moment I’ll never forget.

Busy

So, as usual the devil tries to keep me so busy I don't take the time to stop and spend quiet time with the Lord.  There are so many obstacles right now that I feel overwhelmed.  We have more money going out than we do coming in.  It is just so tight right now with the kids going back to school.  They are needing new clothes and school supplies.  My in laws actually helped with the school supplies and I really appreciate that.  It was a huge blessing.  But, I am still needing money for clothes and bills!  I am sort of funny when it comes to things like this because instead of spending lots time in prayer and reading my Bible, I'm trying to find ways to "fix" the problem.  I know that if I were to sit down in deep prayer and Bible study I would find a solution to my problem.  This is where the Mary in me needs to come out and Martha needs to be suppressed a little bit!  LOL  I am always looking for a "quick" fix to my problems.  Other obstacles are dealing with our church.  We have some decisions to make soon and it is scary as well as exciting.  All of that along with some problems at work has really had me stressed out lately!


Satan likes to keep me busy.  That is one of the tools he uses on all of us.  Think about it, we have so much to keep our minds going between TV, Computers, Cell Phones, Facebook, Video Games . . . The list could go on and on of things that Satan uses to keep us busy and keep us drifting further and further away from God.  I am determined to get my quiet time with God in and make that a routine.

Keep praying for me and for my hubby.  There's just alot going on and we've got some big decisions to make in the near future.

I actually decided to create a new blog for this since the url didn't match the old one!  LOL  Sorry for the confusion!

I have revamped this blog, just in case you hadn't noticed!  I have a PW blog in which everyone reads it and it even automatically updates as a note on my facebook page.  But, I need a place that I can go and share more intimate details about my life.  I need a place where I can be real!  I want to share personal things, ups and downs without being scrutinized about every little thing. 

With all of that being said, I am at a weird place right now.  I know that I have moved away from God and I am fighting against the devil to get back where I need to be.  Honestly I need to get to a place I've never been.  I can't name a time in my life when I have actually been (for an extended period of time) where I felt I needed to be in my personal walk with the Lord.  Things have been happening at work and at church that are causing me to take a hard look at myself.  I need to be more of a Mary right now than a Martha.  I need to slow down and spend some quiet time with the Lord.  I know that if I would slow down, get myself a routine of daily worship and prayer and really dig deep into the word, I will be able to do things for the Lord that I've never done before.

So, that's going to be all for today.  Over the next few weeks you will be getting alot more from this blog.  I need to be able to go somewhere and bare all so I feel like I will be on here posting more often! LOL  I've been a little bit of a slacker lately.