Good Changes

I have updates! Good ones too!

Bryan has accepted a part time position at our home church assisting the Pastor. He is going to continue to work for the funeral home as well. The church position may turn into something full time down the road. We'll keep praying and asking God to direct here. It is amazing how the Lord works.

Matthew's troublesome school days are over. Unfortunately he had a teacher call him a name and say some embarrassing remarks to him in front of the whole class. This was unacceptable and I let her know that. The next morning we went and talked with the principal and let her know what happened and we went ahead and withdrew him. He only had three days left anyways, and I was not going to put him through any more of the problems he has been having! I already had him enrolled with the GA Cyber Academy to start in January. My mother in law is going to have him during the day and alot of the work he can do himself on the computer. We will work with him in the evenings on any projects and things that need to be done. I think he will do much better and bring his grades up without all of the stress!

Keep praying for us. It is finally starting to feel like it's going to be a Merry Christmas! I hope and pray that all of you have a Merry Christmas as well!


"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Asperger's

Just before Thanksgiving Matthew's doctor changed his diagnosis.  A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving we met with the principal's at his school. He had been getting into trouble for retaliating against bullies and we wanted to share his side and see what needed to be done.  After speaking with them for about an hour they had us talk to the school counselor.  She picked up on a few things that made her think he had more than just ADD/OCD.  I have thought so for a long time but hadn't pushed the issue.  She thought that he was showing signs of Asperger's Syndrome.  I knew exactly what she was talking about because I had studied up on it years ago when Matthew was younger.  We already had a regularly scheduled doctor appointment a few days later so I talked with the doctor about it and he changed his diagnosis.  We haven't had all of the testing done but the doctor said that he fit the criteria. I have done a lot of research on my own and I believe he fits the criteria.  It's hard to get a diagnosis for Asperger's because it is so hard to understand.

Asperger's falls under the spectrum of Autism Spectrum Disorders.  Which yes, that means that Matthew is a little bit autistic.  This would come as a surprise to those that know him unless they have spent a lot of time with him and understand Asperger's.  Now that I am talking about this more and talking to some other parents that are familiar with Asperger's they are telling me that they can see it in Matthew.  I have a dear friend who I trust.  She has an 8 year old son with Asperger's.  She also has an older son, who is Matthew's age.  Matthew has spent the night with them a couple of times.  When I talked to her about this, she told me that she had seen it but hadn't wanted to say anything to me because she didn't want to upset me.  I assured her that I wasn't offended, I trust her opinion since she has been dealing with this for several years.  She gave me some books to read on it and they have been very helpful.  I am learning all I can so that I can help Matthew as much as I can.  One thing that we have decided is that we will home school him after the first of the year.  I have already started working on getting him enrolled into the GA Cyber Academy.  If he can get into that, it will be great because it's free and it's considered public school.  Just taught at home.

Now some of you may be wondering, what is Asperger's Syndrome?  As I mentioned it is a form of Autism.  Autism is a whole spectrum of disorders from very moderate to very severe.  Matthew is what I like to call slightly autistic.  There are some with Asperger's that cannot function as well as Matthew.  Asperger's is on the high-functioning end of Autism (which means he functions at a higher level than those with low-functioning Autism).  Symptoms of Asperger's include:

• Engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening or trying to change the subject
• Displaying unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
• Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes
• Appearing not to understand, empathize with or be sensitive to others' feelings
• Having a hard time "reading" other people or understanding humor
• Speaking in a voice that is monotonous, rigid or unusually fast
• Moving clumsily, with poor coordination

Pretty much all of these apply to Matthew to some extent.  Some just more than others.  Some trait's of Asperger's were more present when he was younger.  He has learned to conform to more "normal" standards as he has grown.  That is the thing about Asperger's, they can learn to cope but will always feel different than everyone else.  They feel that they don't fit in.  They often feel that they are very much alone.  This is alot of what Matthew has been going through lately. We've been having some issues at home and alot of issues at school.  It doesn't help when some of his teachers are not the least bit understanding!  I am very disappointed in the school and am definitely feeling that home school is the best option for Matthew. We are still working out the details for that to happen.

Sorry this was such a long post.  I'll try not to make it so long next time!  Keep us in your prayers and especially Matthew with all that he is dealing with.


"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Dealing with Alot!

I have had so much going on.  Bryan is still only working part time so we are getting more and more behind with our bills.  We are hoping that our old mobile home will sell soon and that will help us alot.  Financial struggles are the least of my worry right now though.

Our son has been having a lot of problems since he started the 6th grade.  He has been bullied over the years, that is a given.  He has his own issues that we've dealt with over the years and we are used to dealing with the bullying.  The problem we are running into this year (at a new school) is that he has started retaliating and getting into trouble for retaliating.  We have taught him not to start fights, but that if anyone puts their hands on him, he has the right to defend himself.  Unfortunately he has paid the price for retaliating.  I think the problem is that the kids know how to push his buttons.  They know what to do and say to get him riled up.  Then he becomes aggressive and retaliates to the point that he is punished.  I have been up to the principal's office and talked with them, I've talked with the counselor and we are scheduled to have a meeting the week after thanksgiving to put him in a program that will hopefully help him.  It's called 504 but I think it is very similar to IEP.  It may be the same thing, I'm not sure.  Either way I am hoping and praying that it helps.  The counselor will be meeting with Matthew and will be working with the teachers to get this plan started.  It is just so hard to see him go through all of this.  Every time he is bullied and retaliates, he gets in trouble and is made out to be the bully!  It's just alot to deal with and I am very worried about him.  Even though I know worrying is not going to help! I know that I've got to let go and let God handle it but at the same time I feel like there is more that I can do.


We have decided that we will give this program a little time but if it doesn't work we will probably home school. My in laws have offered to help us with this.  I am just praying that this gets better soon!



"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Just a little update...

Update on us:

Right now we are still waiting on the Lord for answers.  We see the Lord working and He is taking care of us.  My husband is working 3 days a week at the local funeral home so that is helping a little a lot.  Also, we are getting blessed in other ways.  You start appreciating the little things more when you are in need.  I received another blessing this past Saturday and I didn't know whether to be ashamed or just enjoy the blessing from the Lord.  I decided to the the latter!

I have doing a lot of couponing and trying to catch all the deals that I can find.  I haven't been able to get $1,000 worth of groceries for $2 yet but I am doing pretty good.  I went into the grocery store excited with coupons in hand.  There were alot of good deals to be gotten this week!  I got $165 worth of groceries for only $82!  I was joking with the cashier, her husband and son were there for some reason that day helping her bag groceries(still wondering about that but I don't question the Lord).  Pretty good, but there was a problem when I went to pay.  My debit card wouldn't work, my credit card wouldn't work.  I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I know we are short of funds and I wouldn't share this with everybody.  (That's the nice thing about this blog, it's kind of private from my friends and family and I can be more free to share on here.) I reached for my checkbook and low and behold - no checks!  What in the world!?  LOL  It's kind of funny now because I can look back and see how the Lord was working.  Anyways, I pulled my buggy over to the side and started calling my angel of mercy (my mama) to bring me some money so that I could pay for these groceries and get out of there.  While I was doing that, the cashier's husband told me that my groceries had been paid for!  HUH!?  "What do you mean?" (Whatch you talkin' 'bout Willis?!)  He wanted to bless me by taking care of my grocery bill.  He had no idea who I was.  Had no idea that my husband is a Pastor without a church and that we are struggling from week to week to make ends meet.  But, he was obviously a Christian wanting to help someone out. I wasn't sure how to feel about this.  I stood over to the side and prayed about what to do.  I had already called my Mom and she was on her way. She lives just a couple of blocks from the grocery store.  So, I prayed and told the Lord, "Lord, I can't let this stranger pay for my groceries.  It's too much."  I sat there and felt the Lord tell me "Look, I'm trying to help you.  This is my way of helping you, don't turn it down." 

I did go back and offer the man the money that my Mama brought me but he refused. So, I just hugged him and left.  When I got to the truck all I could do was cry.  I was embarrassed, aggravated, touched and blessed all at the same time.  I wasn't sure how to feel.  But, I do know that the Lord was in it and He is still taking care of us!

My husband is working 3 days a week for the funeral home and there is another opportunity that we will know more about hopefully next week.  It is a possible part time ministry position.  Keep praying, we appreciate all of the prayers that have been lifted up for us!



"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

God is AMAZING!

We were pleasantly surprised yesterday with an unexpected blessing!  A former church member came by our house yesterday morning while we were getting ready for church.  He wanted to let hubby know that he was sorry he'd missed his birthday.  (DH's birthday was on 9/19)  Then he handed my husband a check for $250!  I can think of two bills that I can get caught up with that money! LOL  It just shows you that God has His hand on us and is providing in ways that we didn't even expect.  He has a way of doing that (when we least expect it)!  I just wanted to give God a shout out today!  He is awesome!

Also, pray for me.  I feel that God is leading me to do something that I've never actually done.  I want to share my testimony with our ladies group at church.  But, I need lots of prayer and guidance on this.  I've shared my testimony in a small way about how I got saved, but I am feeling led to go a little deeper and really share what the Lord has done in my life.  So, if anyone is reading this please keep that in your prayers!

Love y'all!
Cheryl

Update

Just thought I would update everyone on what is going on with us.  We are currently attending our old church until the Lord opens a door somewhere else in ministry.  The kids like it there, they (and we) are comfortable there. 

Meanwhile my husband has accepted a job.  It's not exactly full time but it pays decent and it will still allow him to minister.  He is working with our local funeral home.  The people that run it are good Christian people who have always treated the funeral home as a ministry.  They are the same people that handled my Dad's funeral 6 years ago!  This is really a blessing for us.  It will provide income as well as give DH some way of being able to minister to people.  They have several locations and they need someone to run one of the offices plus help with funerals.  He is excited and glad for the opportunity.  I am happy for him.  I think it will help him feel like he is providing for his family again!

I had to make a difficult decision this past weekend.  Things came to a head and I had to make a choice as to whether or not to continue my online classes or not.  I had already began the semester but I was struggling.  I didn't understand the material and I was having a hard time making the time to do the work.  So, Saturday morning I sat on my front porch with my Bible and I prayed about what to do.  I knew my husband would be upset and disappointed in me.  That is one of the main reasons I didn't want to quit.  But, I realized I can't do this for him.  I had to pray about what GOD wanted me to do.  I really feel that quitting is the right thing.  I may be wrong, I might be feeling that way because it's what I want.  But, I feel peace about this decision.  There are several reasons for my decision.  Lately I have been feeling like I'm not meant to be a web designer.  I've been feeling that my purpose in life has nothing to do with computers.  I just feel like God is calling me to something more.  What is so bad, is that I don't feel like I can talk to my husband about that.  I don't know why.  You would think He would be the one person that would understand.  I told him, and as I figured he was disappointed.  He doesn't understand how hard it is for me.  He thinks I should be able to make the time to do this.  One of the main things he doesn't want me to do is just give up.  We don't want to teach our children to give up on things just because it gets tough.  I understand that but this goes deeper than that and I just can't get him to understand.  I'm sure he will understand better in time.  I told him I would try harder to lose weight if I didn't have to concentrate so much on school!  LOL 

Meanwhile today is his birthday!  I know, good birthday present right?  "I'm quitting school, Happy Birthday"!  LOL  We have been so busy this past weekend that we haven't had a lot of time to celebrate.  I made him a pound cake Saturday and we had a fish fry with his parents.  I bought him something but I haven't given it to him yet.  I can't really buy much for him since he is unemployed and we don't have any money.  But, hopefully that will change soon.  He has an interview tomorrow that sounds pretty promising.  I'm praying about that!  We both are.  I think it will work out good for him and for our family.  We will see soon enough I guess!

Done

Well folks, we are done.  This past Sunday was our last Sunday at LRBC.  It was a day of mixed emotions.  It was part relief and part sad.  The kids were pretty upset.  That broke my heart more than anything.  They just don't understand.  They don't know what their Dad has been through.  They don't like saying good bye.  My daughter (the drama queen) said it was breaking her heart!  There are many friends at that church that I hated to say good bye to and I am going to miss seeing them every week (very much!).  But, I am also relieved that next Sunday when we come home I won't have to see that defeated look on my husband's face.  Or atleast if I do it won't be because someone told him he wasn't doing his job as a Pastor, or because he's been trying to stop a gossip line going around in the church.

He did explain some things to the church on Sunday night as to why the Lord has led him to leave.  Some people had no idea that he has had to put up with and some people knew and understood.  Some people were probably secretly jumping for joy.  I hate that it all had to end this way but I am proud of my husband for sticking with the Bible and not giving into the temptation to strike back when he was put down, lied about or lied to.  He can honestly hold his head up and not be ashamed of how he handled things.  I know the Lord will bless him for that and that the Lord has a plan for him.

This Sunday will be our last Sunday at our church.  I'm a little nervous about it.  I'm sure my husband is also.  I think he's a little bit glad/relieved but also nervous. 

I personally am nervous about how hard it will be to say goodbye to friends that we have come to know and love.

We both will feel relief because we will be done with the drama.  (At least that particular drama, LOL!)

We are also nervous because we have no idea what we are going to do for income.  I mean, I have my job, but it's not enough to pay all of our bills and pay for groceries and gas etc. 

I know (that I know, that I know!) that my Lord will come through for us.  He has never let us down, but I am just afraid that I will let us down.  By not managing the money like I should.  I am wishing now that I had put money back for a rainy day, because the sky is starting to get pretty dark!

I am trying to figure out what I can do to rearrange our bills so that we can be caught up and ahead a little bit.  Financially right now if y'all would look at my check book and bills you would be worried for me as well!  LOL  But, I am praying and I think I have figured out a way to help us out a little and get us ahead.

Pray for us as you read this and I will try to keep this blog updated as we get prospective ministry positions.

Sick

I'm not physically sick, but I am mentally sick and tired of politics and manipulations in the church!  The church does not belong to any individual, it doesn't belong to me, it doesn't belong to you, it belongs to our Father.  And when I say our Father I'm not talking about an earthly father who put his blood, sweat and tears into the building of the facility.  I'm talking about our Heavenly Father, you know the One we are there to worship in the first place?

It seems as though ever since my husband gave his resignation, the claws have come out.  There has been alot of things going on behind the scenes.  People seem to think that they have to manipulate a situation and work behind the scenes so that it will work out the way they think it should.  Why?  What gives them the right?  If it was meant to be for them to be in a certain position or what have you, then it will work out.  What ever happened to having faith?

Anyways, we've just got a couple more weeks and I am praying for the church and what is going to happen after we leave.  There are just a few that will stand on the Word of God and go by that book.  The Bible is a guideline for the church and for our lives.  It's not multiple choice.

16 more days...

Well, only 16 more days until our last Sunday at Little Rock.  I know Bryan is getting nervous.  I can totally understand that.  He wants to be the provider and all that good stuff but he's going to be without paycheck until God leads us somewhere.  I know God will provide and we will be okay, we might not have everything we want but we will be okay.  He has always taken care of us and He has brought us through some pretty rough times!

Of course seminary is another option that he's looking into.  Or at least praying about.  There are several options for seminary so he is praying about which one the Lord is leading him into.  And of course I'm praying as well.  My main focus right now is going to be on the kids.  I want them to be okay and this transition for them to go as smoothly as possible.  They have signed up for fall sports so that will keep them busy and give them something to look forward to. 

On another note, fall is starting to creep into the air.  The mornings are a little bit cooler and I love it.  I can't wait for fall, it's my favorite time of year.  I love the colors with the leaves changing and the cooler temperatures.  It would be even prettier in the mountains!  I would so love to take a trip to the mountains in a couple of months.  But, I don't see that happening! 

Well, it has been a week since DH announced is resignation.  We will have a called conference tonight to form a pulpit committee.  Some folks who weren't at conference last Wednesday have heard the news and expressed their sadness.  Some are hoping we will change our minds. 

It's funny knowing that we won't be there anymore after September 4.  It's good in some ways and then it's sad too.  It's kind of a relief knowing that we won't have to deal with the issues much longer but then it's sad knowing that they will probably go back to some of their old ways too. 

We met with a couple Saturday morning for breakfast, they are our Associational Missionaries and they gave us a lot of ideas and things that they've been praying about concerning us and our ministry.  DH is still praying about what to do.  I have a feeling that the Lord is dealing with him on something but he's not telling me much about it. I could be totally off base, but if I'm right we could be in for some REAL change very soon!

Keep praying for us.  I want to do whatever our Father wants us to do and I want to make a difference! 

Okay, so the announcement has been made and as you might have guess by now my husband gave his resignation to the church last night.  This was not an easy decision for us to make.  The Lord has been dealing with us for several months (both of us).  I was praying about it and not saying anything to DH while he was praying about it and not saying anything to me.  When he finally mentioned to me how he was feeling a few weeks ago, I told him how I had been praying about the same thing.  The Lord has a way of preparing our hearts for things ahead of time.

So, we will continue to serve at our current church for 30 days.  September 4 will be our last Sunday there. It is exciting and scary at the same time because we know the Lord has led us to this decision and that he will open a door for us to serve him somewhere but until then not knowing is scary and the financial aspect of it is real scary.  But, my faith is strong and I know without a doubt that the Lord will take care of us.  He always has!

Telling the church last night was hard for DH and it was hard for me too.  I was so nervous!  Some people in the congregation were upset but some people were (probably) happy about it.  I'm thankful for the experience of serving the Lord at this church and I pray that the next Pastor they have there will be what they need to grow spiritually.  I pray that I will grow spiritually as well during this transition.  

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Needing Prayer

Today I need y'alls prayers.  I'm just trying to stay busy at work to keep my mind off of things. 

Tonight is our monthly conference in which my husband will make an announcement.  Although I know this is God's will I am very nervous about how the church is going to respond and also where God is going to send us.  I'm excited and scared at the same time.

If anyone is reading this, please pray for me and especially for my husband today!

Things that I would do differently:

I haven't been a PW very long but I do have a list of things that I would do differently if I had known then what I know now.  There are some things that I'm glad that I did or did not do (things that I actually did right!).  Of course hindsight is 20/20.  I'm not posting this to have myself a pity party or anything like that.  But, I think by posting this I can help someone else not make the same mistakes that I have made or help myself in the future to remember these things.

1. I would have guarded my heart more and kept myself prayed up more so that I would be strong enough to face tough times.

2. I would have put some money back (there rarely is any extra to put back) for hard times.

3. I would not have felt like it is my duty to jump in and do the things that nobody else wants to do.  (There was even a time in our church when I really wished I could play the piano so that we didn't have to have song services without music and I bought a book "Piano for Dummies"!  LOL)

4. I would have sheltered my children more although I have tried to do this a pretty good bit. 

5. I would have prayed about it more before jumping into things (and this includes everything, not just the church).

It's not a really long list but I am sure there are other things that I could think of if I tried.  I just felt the need to post this.  Not sure why.

This is going to be a stressful week, actually a stressful month.  Please if anyone is out there reading this, please pray for our family this week.  I previously posted that my husband and I have been praying about a decision.  Well, the decision has been made and confirmed in our hearts.  Everyone else will find out what that decision is Wednesday night at our monthly conference. 

God has been preparing our hearts for this for a while and I feel peace with this decision.

I've been reading more in my Mary and Martha book.  I wanted to share this excerpt from the book:
Chapter 7, The Better Part

The author, Joanna Weaver is talking about her 30-something birthday.  She received a card from a friend and on the front of the card is a picture of a woman in the 1950s with about 8 or 9 hoola hoops swinging around her waist.  She compared herself to the woman in the picture.  The hoola hoops representing everything she was juggling in her life.

     "Then it dawned on me - I saw her secret. "She found a rhythm," I whispered to myself. "She established her center, then let everything move around that."
     That's exactly what I wasn't doing in my life.  All the things I'd been trying to accomplish were important, but I had lost my center. Busy being busy, I'd forgotten to tend to my inner self, the spiritual me. Like a wheel without an axle, I'd careened through life, bouncing off one duty and onto another.
     If there was an adequate pause, I'd spend some time with the Lord. But lately, more often that not, my busy days had slipped by without a quiet time. And my life was revealing what my spirit had missed.
     "Teach me Lord.  Show me the rhythm of life," I found myself praying.
     "Be my center."

Wow! That is where I am now!  That needs to be my motto.  "Teach me Lord, be my center!"

First of all let me say that the previous post was something copied from another blog.  It doesn't necessarily reflect the views of this PW! (That sounds like a radio or TV show! LOL)  Anyways, I just wanted to be sure and state that since someone may read it and think that everything mentioned is how I feel.  I haven't been through some of those things but some I have and I just thought it would be good to get that info out there.

That being said, I am a little aggravated with myself.  I am still struggling with the whole prayer closet/quiet time.  There are so many changes that I would like to make in my life but I know that I should take one step at the time.  Baby steps, as they say.  There is also alot of stress and confusion going on right now dealing with church and work (especially church).  I want to be all that I can be for my husband and help him make the right decision (or help him understand what God wants us to do). One thing is that I am trying to be more reserved. Thinking before I speak more.  That is something I've always struggled with.  Sometimes words come stumbling out of my mouth before I realize what I've done. (That happened to me last week and I made a big mess of things!)

It seems like so often I disappoint myself as a PW.  I feel like there are certain things a PW should or should not do as to set the example for others.  I get reminded of this at work quite a bit.  I often make the mistake of letting my guard down at work, I guess because none of the people I work with attend my church.  Anyways, if I ever mess up at work (maybe say something not so nice or something like that), there are a few at work that like to remind me that I am a PW and I should not say things like that.  Most of the time I know that are just picking, but it bothers me.  (I'm making it sound like I cuss or something but it's not that, it's just saying something off the wall picking on someone or something like that!).

Anyways, I'm not perfect, I never will be!  I think I need to realize that more than anyone.

I have been working on this post for two days now.  LOL  I walked in last night and my husband looked more relaxed than he had in a week!  He had just managed to get his mind off of everything for a while yesterday.  That is a good thing, I guess the next couple of weeks will help him make a decision.  It's hard for him because he doesn't like change. 

Keep praying!

A blog post that I copied from another blog. I thought it was interesting and very true! Alot of people don't realize what PWs go through.

A blog post that I copied from  another blog.  I thought it was interesting and very true!  Alot of people don't realize what PWs go through.

  

http://danbouchelle.blogspot.com/2011/02/why-are-there-so-many-angry-ministers.html?spref=fb

Why Are There So Many Angry Ministers' Wives?

While I have only worked for three churches in a full-time capacity, I have interviewed with quite a few. Once, when my wife Amy and I were interviewing with a church for a preaching job, Amy asked what were the expectations of her if we were to get the job. The elders, elders’ wives, and search committee members looked at each other nervously as if they had never thought about this before. There was a long awkward pause before someone finally said, “It would be nice if you would just smile and talk to people.” That elicited a lot of laughter which indicated a back-story that was unknown to us. It seems the previous preacher’s wife was considered to be an angry, unfriendly woman who only spoke to a tiny group of trusted friends and treated everyone else with neglect or contempt. My guess is that this perspective was exaggerated and skewed by a variety of events. Never-the-less, it is not uncommon for ministers wives to struggle with feelings of anger and resentment toward the church. Why might that be? In the spirit of understanding and maybe reducing the pressures a little, I write the following at the risk of sounding whiny again.

1. The church assumes that it is hiring a whole family. Every search committee lies and some of them even know it. They tell the minister’s wife that nothing more will be expected of her than any other involved member, but that is rarely true. If the preacher’s wife does not show up for an event—esp. a children, youth, or womens ministry event—it will draw criticism. An elder will get cornered or called. He will then call the preacher "just to let him be aware." He is then expected to let his wife know that “a lot of people” were really disappointed . . . . If the minister’s wife is not leading VBS, the womens ministry, hosting showers (which by the way can cost ministers families a ton of money since the wife is expected at all of them), and every other event considered suitable for women, she becomes a target. This is true even if the elders say it doesn’t have to be. They cannot control the expectations of all the members. In addition, parents with children the age of the minister’s children often want their kids to be best friends with the the preacher's kids so they can save their kids. The pressure is intense for the minister's children to get along with every child and make them all feel special. The minister's children are expected to be Bible scholars, leaders, and good examples everywhere. They didn’t sign up for this and they often get rather bitter about it and act out, which only makes things worse. Oh, and if the kids turn out well, people brag on the preacher as a father and act like he gave birth to the kids and raised them alone. The preacher’s wife often doesn’t even have a name, she is introduced to people as “the preacher’s wife.”
2. The church expects the minister to put the church before his family. Everyone who calls the minister’s house in the evening, on the weekend, or in the middle of the night assumes they are the only one calling and that the minister has a special affection for them and would want to talk to them. You cannot take care of your family as a minister without disappointing and even angering people in your congregation. Knowing this, and feeling the criticism for the times the minister was not there for someone, it just gets easier to disappoint your family who will forgive you more quickly for a while. But, over time the cost builds and leads to resentment. Ministers’ wives often feel like their husbands have a mistress (the church) and they can’t compete. However, who can they talk to about this? All their friends are in the church and they don’t want to discourage them so they don’t tell anyone. The frustration builds with no way to express it.
3. The church rarely provides time away or compensation commensurate with the demands and responsibilities of the job. Ministers are hardly the only people with jobs that can be extremely demanding. Many professionals have jobs that make similar demands. The difference is that those jobs usually pay well enough that when they have time off, those people can really get away to a nice place and experience renewal. This rarely happens for ministers. Even if the money is there, the time is not. When the preacher is away, people complain and put him on a guilt trip when he gets back. “I worked for six month to get my friend to come to church and when she finally came you weren’t here!” Being tied down every weekend gets to be extremely restrictive after years pile up. If the minister is not able to negotiate sufficient time away, it will begin to take a toll on the family. If he does, he will get criticized for “being gone all the time.” “Why do we pay that guy, he is hardly ever here.”
4. Ministry means living in a fish bowl and every part of your life is up for criticism. Here is my favorite criticism we ever got. “They dress their children too nice.” Yep. My wife was sewing our children’s clothes to save money, but that didn’t matter. We’ve been accused of being child-abusers because we spanked our kids. We have been told it was our children’s responsibility, when they were as young as 9-11, to watch after the younger children at church and stop expecting someone to minister to them. I've also been criticized for caring too much about poor people. I’ve known ministers and their wives who were criticized for being “too smart, too biblical, too concerned with social justice, too moral—no joke, too concerned about racism, and too nice looking. Minister’s wives and children are always on display and everything they wear, how they drive, the expressions they make during church or class, who they talk to or don’t, who their friends are, it’s all up for public discussion. One time after I mentioned that we lived in a fish bowl, a woman in the church came up to my wife and said, “It’s time to change your water!” A little of that is tolerable. A life-time of that wears very thin.
5. Much of what the church expects seems to have little to do with what the minister and his wife believe are legitimate parts of their ministry. Most ministers and their wives (who are also ministers though without job description or pay) are doing what they do because they love the Lord and feel a call to share the good news, care for people, and make disciples. However, the expectation to be a priestly presence whose appearance conveys importance on someone’s pet ministry has nothing to do with their sense of call. If ministers and their wives could just do what they got into ministry to do, they would gladly make great sacrifices for the Kingdom of God. They probably already have. But the sacrifices demanded seem mostly to be for petty things or busywork. No one resents when the preacher gets called out at 2:00 a.m. because someone has had a fatal accident and the family needs comfort. But, when evening after evening is spoiled by needy people who want unwarranted attention to prop up their flagging egos or calm their out-of-control anxieties, it gets hard to accept.

Forgive me if this sounds like complaining. It isn’t meant that way. Most of our experience in ministry was rewarding and we were loved well by our churches—most of the time. The leadership of the churches where we worked did well to protect us as much as they could from these kinds of unrealistic expectations, but they could only control so much. Over time, I got better at learning to say “No” and living with people being unhappy with me. I once told a woman, "Look, I get up in a world where someone is angry at me every day. Today is your day." After I almost ruined my marriage in the early years, I learned to protect my family better. But, just in case you’ve ever wondered why ministers wives often look tired, seem emotionally withdraw or even cranky, this might help you understand. It also might help you to understand a question Amy once asked in an interview. “If we come here will you treat our family like members of the church or will you just view us as employees.” Then she broke down in tears. It’s a moment I’ll never forget.

Busy

So, as usual the devil tries to keep me so busy I don't take the time to stop and spend quiet time with the Lord.  There are so many obstacles right now that I feel overwhelmed.  We have more money going out than we do coming in.  It is just so tight right now with the kids going back to school.  They are needing new clothes and school supplies.  My in laws actually helped with the school supplies and I really appreciate that.  It was a huge blessing.  But, I am still needing money for clothes and bills!  I am sort of funny when it comes to things like this because instead of spending lots time in prayer and reading my Bible, I'm trying to find ways to "fix" the problem.  I know that if I were to sit down in deep prayer and Bible study I would find a solution to my problem.  This is where the Mary in me needs to come out and Martha needs to be suppressed a little bit!  LOL  I am always looking for a "quick" fix to my problems.  Other obstacles are dealing with our church.  We have some decisions to make soon and it is scary as well as exciting.  All of that along with some problems at work has really had me stressed out lately!


Satan likes to keep me busy.  That is one of the tools he uses on all of us.  Think about it, we have so much to keep our minds going between TV, Computers, Cell Phones, Facebook, Video Games . . . The list could go on and on of things that Satan uses to keep us busy and keep us drifting further and further away from God.  I am determined to get my quiet time with God in and make that a routine.

Keep praying for me and for my hubby.  There's just alot going on and we've got some big decisions to make in the near future.

I actually decided to create a new blog for this since the url didn't match the old one!  LOL  Sorry for the confusion!

I have revamped this blog, just in case you hadn't noticed!  I have a PW blog in which everyone reads it and it even automatically updates as a note on my facebook page.  But, I need a place that I can go and share more intimate details about my life.  I need a place where I can be real!  I want to share personal things, ups and downs without being scrutinized about every little thing. 

With all of that being said, I am at a weird place right now.  I know that I have moved away from God and I am fighting against the devil to get back where I need to be.  Honestly I need to get to a place I've never been.  I can't name a time in my life when I have actually been (for an extended period of time) where I felt I needed to be in my personal walk with the Lord.  Things have been happening at work and at church that are causing me to take a hard look at myself.  I need to be more of a Mary right now than a Martha.  I need to slow down and spend some quiet time with the Lord.  I know that if I would slow down, get myself a routine of daily worship and prayer and really dig deep into the word, I will be able to do things for the Lord that I've never done before.

So, that's going to be all for today.  Over the next few weeks you will be getting alot more from this blog.  I need to be able to go somewhere and bare all so I feel like I will be on here posting more often! LOL  I've been a little bit of a slacker lately.