We have had a rough week this week.  For some reason Matthew has had even more separation anxiety issues this week.  He doesn't want me to leave in the mornings and the one day that I went home for lunch he didn't want me to leave to go back to work.  It only took me one time to learn that I don't need to go home for lunch anymore (at least not this week). 

Matthew has been grounded from the X-box (which is his obsession) for a month and today is the day he gets it back.  So, of course this morning that is all he talked about. Which got him into trouble with his Daddy.  Bryan can't stand the thought of the X-box because of Matthew being so obsessed with it.  I am hoping that after a month away from it, and if we keep a tight leash, we can minimize the obsession a little bit this time.  Circumstances are a little bit different now.  When we took the X-box away, it wasn't long after his surgery.  A lot has changed since his surgery.  Bryan thinks alot of the change we've seen is because we took away the X-box.  I really don't know but I think the only way we are going to know for sure is to give it back to him and see how he does.

Next week is the CRCT.  We have to go to Jesup every day to take it.  I am pretty nervous about it. I'm really not sure how nervous Matthew is. I hope he does okay when it actually comes time for the test.  My biggest worry is that he is going to freeze up and he will take forever to complete the test because he can't concentrate because he's so nervous!  I guess we will see!  I'll be glad when next week is over.  And I'll really be glad after May 11 when I am at home with him so we don't have to deal with the separation anxiety anymore.


"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

News...

After much prayer and discussion, a decision has been made.  I informed my work yesterday that May 11 will be my last day and I'll be staying home with Matthew to home school him.  This was a very hard decision for us because we just don't know what is going to happen and how we are going to make it financially but we do know that this is what Matthew needs.  We also know that the Lord will take care of us. Home schooling Matthew has been hard with me working and he really needs me home with him, teaching him.  There is just no way we can continue doing it the way that we have.  The whole family has been suffering, especially Lily.  She doesn't get the attention she needs from me because I'm so focused on trying to help Matthew. 

We have been seeing some improvement in Matthew since the surgery.  He is not quite as short tempered as he was and he's been having less meltdowns.  I'm praying this continues to improve and that the Lord will continue to give me lots of patience!

I do plan on trying to babysit to bring in some extra money.  I enjoy children and this will be a way that I can bring in some income and stay home.  I haven't found any children to keep yet, but I know the Lord will send some my way when the time comes.  Keep praying for us!

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Well, it has been almost a month since Matthew's surgery.  He is doing very well.  When we went back to Dr. Oliver for his follow up appointment he was about 90% healed and I imagine by now it is 99-100% healed. He hasn't complained much about his throat lately.  He complains about everything so if his throat was bothering him, I'm sure I would have heard about it. LOL  I love him but I guess he is just at that age.  Hormones are going crazy and he has got a big ol' attitude about everything.  But, we have seen some improvement since the surgery.  He is not quite as short tempered and when he does get mad, he can usually get over it alot quicker.  His focus is still not good.  He can't focus on school work to save his life! But, that may be most 12 year old boys!  The biggest problem we are having with him right now is focusing on school work and change.  He does not do well with change at all.  He never wants to leave the house, even to do fun stuff.  He would rather just stay at home.

Since this blog is not read by very many people, especially my coworkers, I will reveal what I am hoping will work out very soon.  We have been talking about how much Matthew is struggling with his school work still and how he really needs me to be home with him.  The only way we will be able to afford for me to stay home is if I bring in some kind of income.  Bryan suggested babysitting and the light bulb went off in my head.  So, I am looking into keeping kids at home (in home daycare is what they call it).  A friend of mine from church does this and I've been talking to her and getting some information.  A friend of mine has just had twins so I am waiting to hear back from her.  I may be keeping her babies at her house for a while before I start my daycare.  We are just praying about it and seeing how things work out.  Either way it will be great.  Matthew can go with me over there if I do that.  He won't like that as much, but it will be better with me there with him every day. 

We are still praying about what is happening with Bryan's position at church.  Our home church is possibly going to hire him as Associate Pastor/Youth Pastor but there are some other things going on that has put a hold on that decision.  Hopefully we will know in the next couple of weeks.  We are praying, praying, praying!  The Lord has looked out for us and carried us this far and I know He will continue if we stay faithful to Him.


"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Recovery

Well, Matthew had his surgery on Friday, March 2.  Everything went fine, just as planned.  He has had a pretty good recovery, although he still has a hard time swallowing food.  I've had to make alot of milkshakes and ramen noodles the past couple of weeks!  He's done pretty well but his throat is still very sore and he's having a hard time eating.  He hasn't had any bleeding or vomiting so those are really good things!

I am praying about a big decision.  Something that I have been praying about for a while but it seems like the Lord is just opening some doors and my dream could soon be a reality!  I don't want to say too much just yet because I don't want to jinx it and I also don't want my coworkers to know anything about it.  (Especially the bosses!) You can probably guess what it might be but I won't say until I know for sure what I am going to do.  Right now I'm about 90% sure.  Just pray for me!



"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Aspergers

Asperger's is still an unknown syndrome.  I have learned in speaking with the doctors and nurses dealing with Matthew's surgery that a lot of them have never heard of Asperger's.  When I explain that it is a form of Autism, you can see the recognition in their eyes.  They've heard of Autism, they may even know someone with Autism, so now they get it. I am just a little surprised that more people, especially in the medical field, do not know much about Asperger's.  Even in the field of education.

One of Matthew's teachers was very vocal about the fact that she didn't think anything was wrong with Matthew, she thought he was faking.  To look at him, you can't see anything wrong with him.  He's not sitting in the corner drooling.  He can walk, he can talk and he can run!  To talk to him, he knows enough to know how to act in front of people (thank God I've tried to instill at least some amount of respect for adults even if he doesn't show respect for me at times!), so he seems like a normal, well rounded kid.  And he is.  But, spend a day with him, maybe even a few days and you will see the Aspie come out in him!  He will either talk your head off about his favorite video game (currently transformers), or he will make up some silly joke that doesn't make any sense but he thinks is hilarious.  Or he will take something you say the wrong way.  Our family is a family full of pickers.  We like to pick and joke with each other.  It's how we show we love each other.  But, most of the time Matthew gets fired up mad at something that we said, but meant no harm.  Bless his heart, he had to be born into a family of pickers and jokers!  As an Aspie, that can be very confusing!  a bug is the biggest lie we know!

Asperger's is not a disease and it is not a curse.  My son is beautiful, sweet, kind and talented.  He loves life and he loves his family. Is he normal?  Well, let me ask you something.  Are you?  Do you know what normal is?  Who defines normal?  These are things that I am forced to ask myself.  These are things that people don't think about until they are faced with something like Asperger's.


"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Surgery

Well, it looks like surgery is in Matthew's future.  He's not too happy about it either!  A couple of weeks ago during one of his therapy sessions his doctor mentioned that he thought Matthew wasn't getting good sleep at night.  We had been talking about how hard it is to get him up in the mornings and then how slugglish he is during the day.  So, Dr. Kropp (the psychologist) referred him to an ENT specialist.  The ENT is one that our family has had dealings with.  He performed surgery on Lily when she was 4 (removed tonsils and adenoids) and then he performed sinus surgery on Bryan a little over a year ago.  So, we are comfortable with this doctor and we trust his opinion.  We finally got to see the ENT this week (Monday) and he said that Matthew's right tonsil and adenoids are enlarged.  He thinks it would be best to remove them.  I haven't gotten the call to schedule the surgery so I don't know when that will be yet. 

I am really hoping that this surgery helps him sleep better at night.  And I am really, REALLY hoping and praying that the surgery [and him sleeping better at night] will help his behavior.  I have done some research online and this is the main cause of sleep apnea in children.  I know how I am if I don't sleep well, and I can't imagine how I would feel after months of night sleeping well. 

On a more positive note, this Saturday is Matthew's birthday.  He will be 12.  It's so hard to believe that he is already 12 years old!  We are going to celebrate by going to the movies and out to eat.  He doesn't know it yet but we are getting him a cell phone.  We are actually giving him my old cell phone for a trial run because we are not sure how he will be with a cell phone.  This will be a good way for him to communicate with me during the day while he's at his grandparents' house.  He calls me at work alot with questions so this will be better.  I think a little responsibility will be good for him.


"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Update

An update on Matthew:

We have made some changes hopefully for the good.  Matthew has been seeing a psychologist since the end of December.  We really like him and Matthew enjoys going to therapy.  The doctor also has a therapy dog (a solid white German Shepard) that sits in on the sessions so Matthew likes that too!  I feel that the therapy has been really good for him.  Something that this doctor has mentioned that hasn't dawned on me is that Matthew may have sleep apnea.  Which would cause alot of the problems Matthew has been having.  It wouldn't be the cause for everything but it could be making things worse.  So, he has referred us to an ENT doctor to check that out.  We will see that doctor mid February and I am anxious to see what he thinks.

Also, we made a decision that was risky but I think it was the right thing.  We took Matthew off of all of his medication.  I spoke with the psychiatrist about it before I did it and he agreed that it would be worth a try.  I've been praying about what to do and I just felt a peace about doing this. I just feel that the age he is at right now, hormones are starting to kick in, and that, mixed with the medication, is just causing more harm than good.  He has been off of the medicine for 4 days and so far things have been better (I'm knocking on wood here!).  I'm hoping and praying that we are starting to see the light at the end of the long, dark and scary tunnel! (I'm seeing more of my Matthew!)

Home school is going good.  It's not perfect, but it seems like every week it gets a little bit better.  He is a little behind but we are working on getting caught up.  He does like it much better than going to public school.  I keep telling him that he has to do well and get his work done or he will have to go back to public school (that motivates him to try harder!). 

I know that we will still have rough days but I sure am thankful for each and every good day that we have!

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1




"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Good things...

Instead of blogging about all the problems we've been having, today I'm blogging about good things!

Last night my daughter (who is 8) accepted Christ.  She has been wanting to do it for a while but we wanted to make sure she was ready.  She is so smart and she knows in her head that this is what she is supposed to do.  But, we wanted to make sure she was under conviction by the Holy Spirit.  We thought that maybe we were too close to her to really see, so we decided to let her talk with our Pastor, Bro. Jerry.  After talking with her for a few minutes, he led her to Christ.  Now our whole family is saved and on our way to Heaven!  I am so proud of my little girl.  She is so grown up in so many ways.

"But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14  

The service last night was different.  We had a singer/songwriter Mark Lanier.  It was a very moving service and both of my kids (and most of the church) were in tears.  Both of our kids were touched by a lot of the songs.  Mark writes a lot of his own songs and he is very "ministry minded".  He thinks about how his songs are going to get the gospel message across to people.  http://www.marklanierministries.com

Matthew has started school with GCA (Georgia Cyber Academy).  He hasn't had to do a lot of work yet, it is still in the orientation phase.  Hopefully this week he will get his assignments and get started.  I think he will like it once he sees it's nothing like public school.  He still has good days and bad days, we are working on trying to have more good days than bad. ;-)

"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21

Oh, and one more good thing to add.  I started Weight Watchers January 1st and so far I have lost 5 lbs.  It is a slow start.  Usually when I start a diet or change my eating habits I drop the weight alot quicker, but I do realize that as I get older it may not be as easy.  I am not discouraged but encouraged by this, because I am 5 lbs lighter than I was 2 weeks ago!

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Good Changes

I have updates! Good ones too!

Bryan has accepted a part time position at our home church assisting the Pastor. He is going to continue to work for the funeral home as well. The church position may turn into something full time down the road. We'll keep praying and asking God to direct here. It is amazing how the Lord works.

Matthew's troublesome school days are over. Unfortunately he had a teacher call him a name and say some embarrassing remarks to him in front of the whole class. This was unacceptable and I let her know that. The next morning we went and talked with the principal and let her know what happened and we went ahead and withdrew him. He only had three days left anyways, and I was not going to put him through any more of the problems he has been having! I already had him enrolled with the GA Cyber Academy to start in January. My mother in law is going to have him during the day and alot of the work he can do himself on the computer. We will work with him in the evenings on any projects and things that need to be done. I think he will do much better and bring his grades up without all of the stress!

Keep praying for us. It is finally starting to feel like it's going to be a Merry Christmas! I hope and pray that all of you have a Merry Christmas as well!


"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Asperger's

Just before Thanksgiving Matthew's doctor changed his diagnosis.  A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving we met with the principal's at his school. He had been getting into trouble for retaliating against bullies and we wanted to share his side and see what needed to be done.  After speaking with them for about an hour they had us talk to the school counselor.  She picked up on a few things that made her think he had more than just ADD/OCD.  I have thought so for a long time but hadn't pushed the issue.  She thought that he was showing signs of Asperger's Syndrome.  I knew exactly what she was talking about because I had studied up on it years ago when Matthew was younger.  We already had a regularly scheduled doctor appointment a few days later so I talked with the doctor about it and he changed his diagnosis.  We haven't had all of the testing done but the doctor said that he fit the criteria. I have done a lot of research on my own and I believe he fits the criteria.  It's hard to get a diagnosis for Asperger's because it is so hard to understand.

Asperger's falls under the spectrum of Autism Spectrum Disorders.  Which yes, that means that Matthew is a little bit autistic.  This would come as a surprise to those that know him unless they have spent a lot of time with him and understand Asperger's.  Now that I am talking about this more and talking to some other parents that are familiar with Asperger's they are telling me that they can see it in Matthew.  I have a dear friend who I trust.  She has an 8 year old son with Asperger's.  She also has an older son, who is Matthew's age.  Matthew has spent the night with them a couple of times.  When I talked to her about this, she told me that she had seen it but hadn't wanted to say anything to me because she didn't want to upset me.  I assured her that I wasn't offended, I trust her opinion since she has been dealing with this for several years.  She gave me some books to read on it and they have been very helpful.  I am learning all I can so that I can help Matthew as much as I can.  One thing that we have decided is that we will home school him after the first of the year.  I have already started working on getting him enrolled into the GA Cyber Academy.  If he can get into that, it will be great because it's free and it's considered public school.  Just taught at home.

Now some of you may be wondering, what is Asperger's Syndrome?  As I mentioned it is a form of Autism.  Autism is a whole spectrum of disorders from very moderate to very severe.  Matthew is what I like to call slightly autistic.  There are some with Asperger's that cannot function as well as Matthew.  Asperger's is on the high-functioning end of Autism (which means he functions at a higher level than those with low-functioning Autism).  Symptoms of Asperger's include:

• Engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening or trying to change the subject
• Displaying unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
• Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes
• Appearing not to understand, empathize with or be sensitive to others' feelings
• Having a hard time "reading" other people or understanding humor
• Speaking in a voice that is monotonous, rigid or unusually fast
• Moving clumsily, with poor coordination

Pretty much all of these apply to Matthew to some extent.  Some just more than others.  Some trait's of Asperger's were more present when he was younger.  He has learned to conform to more "normal" standards as he has grown.  That is the thing about Asperger's, they can learn to cope but will always feel different than everyone else.  They feel that they don't fit in.  They often feel that they are very much alone.  This is alot of what Matthew has been going through lately. We've been having some issues at home and alot of issues at school.  It doesn't help when some of his teachers are not the least bit understanding!  I am very disappointed in the school and am definitely feeling that home school is the best option for Matthew. We are still working out the details for that to happen.

Sorry this was such a long post.  I'll try not to make it so long next time!  Keep us in your prayers and especially Matthew with all that he is dealing with.


"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Dealing with Alot!

I have had so much going on.  Bryan is still only working part time so we are getting more and more behind with our bills.  We are hoping that our old mobile home will sell soon and that will help us alot.  Financial struggles are the least of my worry right now though.

Our son has been having a lot of problems since he started the 6th grade.  He has been bullied over the years, that is a given.  He has his own issues that we've dealt with over the years and we are used to dealing with the bullying.  The problem we are running into this year (at a new school) is that he has started retaliating and getting into trouble for retaliating.  We have taught him not to start fights, but that if anyone puts their hands on him, he has the right to defend himself.  Unfortunately he has paid the price for retaliating.  I think the problem is that the kids know how to push his buttons.  They know what to do and say to get him riled up.  Then he becomes aggressive and retaliates to the point that he is punished.  I have been up to the principal's office and talked with them, I've talked with the counselor and we are scheduled to have a meeting the week after thanksgiving to put him in a program that will hopefully help him.  It's called 504 but I think it is very similar to IEP.  It may be the same thing, I'm not sure.  Either way I am hoping and praying that it helps.  The counselor will be meeting with Matthew and will be working with the teachers to get this plan started.  It is just so hard to see him go through all of this.  Every time he is bullied and retaliates, he gets in trouble and is made out to be the bully!  It's just alot to deal with and I am very worried about him.  Even though I know worrying is not going to help! I know that I've got to let go and let God handle it but at the same time I feel like there is more that I can do.


We have decided that we will give this program a little time but if it doesn't work we will probably home school. My in laws have offered to help us with this.  I am just praying that this gets better soon!



"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Just a little update...

Update on us:

Right now we are still waiting on the Lord for answers.  We see the Lord working and He is taking care of us.  My husband is working 3 days a week at the local funeral home so that is helping a little a lot.  Also, we are getting blessed in other ways.  You start appreciating the little things more when you are in need.  I received another blessing this past Saturday and I didn't know whether to be ashamed or just enjoy the blessing from the Lord.  I decided to the the latter!

I have doing a lot of couponing and trying to catch all the deals that I can find.  I haven't been able to get $1,000 worth of groceries for $2 yet but I am doing pretty good.  I went into the grocery store excited with coupons in hand.  There were alot of good deals to be gotten this week!  I got $165 worth of groceries for only $82!  I was joking with the cashier, her husband and son were there for some reason that day helping her bag groceries(still wondering about that but I don't question the Lord).  Pretty good, but there was a problem when I went to pay.  My debit card wouldn't work, my credit card wouldn't work.  I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I know we are short of funds and I wouldn't share this with everybody.  (That's the nice thing about this blog, it's kind of private from my friends and family and I can be more free to share on here.) I reached for my checkbook and low and behold - no checks!  What in the world!?  LOL  It's kind of funny now because I can look back and see how the Lord was working.  Anyways, I pulled my buggy over to the side and started calling my angel of mercy (my mama) to bring me some money so that I could pay for these groceries and get out of there.  While I was doing that, the cashier's husband told me that my groceries had been paid for!  HUH!?  "What do you mean?" (Whatch you talkin' 'bout Willis?!)  He wanted to bless me by taking care of my grocery bill.  He had no idea who I was.  Had no idea that my husband is a Pastor without a church and that we are struggling from week to week to make ends meet.  But, he was obviously a Christian wanting to help someone out. I wasn't sure how to feel about this.  I stood over to the side and prayed about what to do.  I had already called my Mom and she was on her way. She lives just a couple of blocks from the grocery store.  So, I prayed and told the Lord, "Lord, I can't let this stranger pay for my groceries.  It's too much."  I sat there and felt the Lord tell me "Look, I'm trying to help you.  This is my way of helping you, don't turn it down." 

I did go back and offer the man the money that my Mama brought me but he refused. So, I just hugged him and left.  When I got to the truck all I could do was cry.  I was embarrassed, aggravated, touched and blessed all at the same time.  I wasn't sure how to feel.  But, I do know that the Lord was in it and He is still taking care of us!

My husband is working 3 days a week for the funeral home and there is another opportunity that we will know more about hopefully next week.  It is a possible part time ministry position.  Keep praying, we appreciate all of the prayers that have been lifted up for us!



"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

God is AMAZING!

We were pleasantly surprised yesterday with an unexpected blessing!  A former church member came by our house yesterday morning while we were getting ready for church.  He wanted to let hubby know that he was sorry he'd missed his birthday.  (DH's birthday was on 9/19)  Then he handed my husband a check for $250!  I can think of two bills that I can get caught up with that money! LOL  It just shows you that God has His hand on us and is providing in ways that we didn't even expect.  He has a way of doing that (when we least expect it)!  I just wanted to give God a shout out today!  He is awesome!

Also, pray for me.  I feel that God is leading me to do something that I've never actually done.  I want to share my testimony with our ladies group at church.  But, I need lots of prayer and guidance on this.  I've shared my testimony in a small way about how I got saved, but I am feeling led to go a little deeper and really share what the Lord has done in my life.  So, if anyone is reading this please keep that in your prayers!

Love y'all!
Cheryl

Update

Just thought I would update everyone on what is going on with us.  We are currently attending our old church until the Lord opens a door somewhere else in ministry.  The kids like it there, they (and we) are comfortable there. 

Meanwhile my husband has accepted a job.  It's not exactly full time but it pays decent and it will still allow him to minister.  He is working with our local funeral home.  The people that run it are good Christian people who have always treated the funeral home as a ministry.  They are the same people that handled my Dad's funeral 6 years ago!  This is really a blessing for us.  It will provide income as well as give DH some way of being able to minister to people.  They have several locations and they need someone to run one of the offices plus help with funerals.  He is excited and glad for the opportunity.  I am happy for him.  I think it will help him feel like he is providing for his family again!

I had to make a difficult decision this past weekend.  Things came to a head and I had to make a choice as to whether or not to continue my online classes or not.  I had already began the semester but I was struggling.  I didn't understand the material and I was having a hard time making the time to do the work.  So, Saturday morning I sat on my front porch with my Bible and I prayed about what to do.  I knew my husband would be upset and disappointed in me.  That is one of the main reasons I didn't want to quit.  But, I realized I can't do this for him.  I had to pray about what GOD wanted me to do.  I really feel that quitting is the right thing.  I may be wrong, I might be feeling that way because it's what I want.  But, I feel peace about this decision.  There are several reasons for my decision.  Lately I have been feeling like I'm not meant to be a web designer.  I've been feeling that my purpose in life has nothing to do with computers.  I just feel like God is calling me to something more.  What is so bad, is that I don't feel like I can talk to my husband about that.  I don't know why.  You would think He would be the one person that would understand.  I told him, and as I figured he was disappointed.  He doesn't understand how hard it is for me.  He thinks I should be able to make the time to do this.  One of the main things he doesn't want me to do is just give up.  We don't want to teach our children to give up on things just because it gets tough.  I understand that but this goes deeper than that and I just can't get him to understand.  I'm sure he will understand better in time.  I told him I would try harder to lose weight if I didn't have to concentrate so much on school!  LOL 

Meanwhile today is his birthday!  I know, good birthday present right?  "I'm quitting school, Happy Birthday"!  LOL  We have been so busy this past weekend that we haven't had a lot of time to celebrate.  I made him a pound cake Saturday and we had a fish fry with his parents.  I bought him something but I haven't given it to him yet.  I can't really buy much for him since he is unemployed and we don't have any money.  But, hopefully that will change soon.  He has an interview tomorrow that sounds pretty promising.  I'm praying about that!  We both are.  I think it will work out good for him and for our family.  We will see soon enough I guess!

Done

Well folks, we are done.  This past Sunday was our last Sunday at LRBC.  It was a day of mixed emotions.  It was part relief and part sad.  The kids were pretty upset.  That broke my heart more than anything.  They just don't understand.  They don't know what their Dad has been through.  They don't like saying good bye.  My daughter (the drama queen) said it was breaking her heart!  There are many friends at that church that I hated to say good bye to and I am going to miss seeing them every week (very much!).  But, I am also relieved that next Sunday when we come home I won't have to see that defeated look on my husband's face.  Or atleast if I do it won't be because someone told him he wasn't doing his job as a Pastor, or because he's been trying to stop a gossip line going around in the church.

He did explain some things to the church on Sunday night as to why the Lord has led him to leave.  Some people had no idea that he has had to put up with and some people knew and understood.  Some people were probably secretly jumping for joy.  I hate that it all had to end this way but I am proud of my husband for sticking with the Bible and not giving into the temptation to strike back when he was put down, lied about or lied to.  He can honestly hold his head up and not be ashamed of how he handled things.  I know the Lord will bless him for that and that the Lord has a plan for him.

This Sunday will be our last Sunday at our church.  I'm a little nervous about it.  I'm sure my husband is also.  I think he's a little bit glad/relieved but also nervous. 

I personally am nervous about how hard it will be to say goodbye to friends that we have come to know and love.

We both will feel relief because we will be done with the drama.  (At least that particular drama, LOL!)

We are also nervous because we have no idea what we are going to do for income.  I mean, I have my job, but it's not enough to pay all of our bills and pay for groceries and gas etc. 

I know (that I know, that I know!) that my Lord will come through for us.  He has never let us down, but I am just afraid that I will let us down.  By not managing the money like I should.  I am wishing now that I had put money back for a rainy day, because the sky is starting to get pretty dark!

I am trying to figure out what I can do to rearrange our bills so that we can be caught up and ahead a little bit.  Financially right now if y'all would look at my check book and bills you would be worried for me as well!  LOL  But, I am praying and I think I have figured out a way to help us out a little and get us ahead.

Pray for us as you read this and I will try to keep this blog updated as we get prospective ministry positions.

Sick

I'm not physically sick, but I am mentally sick and tired of politics and manipulations in the church!  The church does not belong to any individual, it doesn't belong to me, it doesn't belong to you, it belongs to our Father.  And when I say our Father I'm not talking about an earthly father who put his blood, sweat and tears into the building of the facility.  I'm talking about our Heavenly Father, you know the One we are there to worship in the first place?

It seems as though ever since my husband gave his resignation, the claws have come out.  There has been alot of things going on behind the scenes.  People seem to think that they have to manipulate a situation and work behind the scenes so that it will work out the way they think it should.  Why?  What gives them the right?  If it was meant to be for them to be in a certain position or what have you, then it will work out.  What ever happened to having faith?

Anyways, we've just got a couple more weeks and I am praying for the church and what is going to happen after we leave.  There are just a few that will stand on the Word of God and go by that book.  The Bible is a guideline for the church and for our lives.  It's not multiple choice.